Monthly Archives: July 2011

Planes, Goths & Car Hire Woes.

Dear Tiger Airways,

YOU ARE FUCKED.It’s not that I booked with you to fly to Melbourne, no siree I was supposed to book with Virgin, but your company FUCKED ME OVER.Thankfully I am a smart person an did find an alternative way to get there and CHEAPER.So now the Goths are to travel this wide country by vehicle.A hired one as I did manage to get plane tickets home only by the skin of my teeth.SmutMan said “It wouldn’t be a holiday without an adventure” and he is right.We have plotted our trip & booked relavent accomodation along the way so there is nothing to do but pick up the car.I am washing, cleaning, internetting but NOT SMOKING. I am a legend I tell you.Lala the little Goth girl has her wardrobe planned,Sackboy Goth leaves it all to mum.He does not care for clothing styles or co ordinating.He just wears stuff as he told me yesterday when I asked him what he wanted to take.Today we are going to a birthday of a friends son he is 11.Please if there is a god don’t let their ear pearcing squeels push me over the edge to smoke.I already have a Hubba Bubba addiction to replace it.I don’t know how people chew it all day, seriously I had trouble eating food because my jaw was in agony.Not good.Anyway I am off to fold the last of the ddark load.I am such a housewife.


Bruce & The angry phone call.

Dear Bruce,

Whoever you are please never ring my mobile at 9am & start abusing me.Let me set the scene for you. I was sitting in my Pj’s on the lounge after I had finished paying for our accomodation in Melbourne whe my phone rang.Hmm I thought I should answer this in case it’s the doctors cancelling our appointment.NO I was so wrong, I answered the phone only to be berrated by a man named BRUCE. Bruce keeps saying “You know who this is it’s fucking Bruce”.I am sitting listening laughing on the inside.SmutMan comes in to the loungeroom & I hand him the phone, he listens to poor old Bruce rant on about someone putting shit on him  and the person he is directing his anger at is a “Piss ant”.Smut Man kept listening then poor Bruce just hung up.We looked at each other & just laughed, as we visualise Bruce as a short, mullet haired, VB drinking fuckwit who can’t dial a number because his stoned eyes can’t see the keypad.So Bruce where ever you are YOU CAN GET FUCKED TOO.It was a great way to start the day and we have been awaiting a follow up call from Ol Brucey so SmutMan can gee him up.So if you know a Bruce or are a Bruce please do call back I think you need a shoulder to sook on.

Tic Tacs & the Goth.

Today is Day 11 on the goth journey to being smoke free.No goth No that’s my mantra because I hate the name Gary. I have been an super houseworker today.I turned the TV off and put Marilyn Manson on LOUD & off I went.I have cleaned the laundry & the walls.I cleaned mirrors, windows and dusted.I found some errant TicTacs in the fridge courtesy of goth boy.He isn’t a fan of lollies so thanks little man mummy has an alternative to ice blocks.I am normally not a person who eats them either but hey if a super model can live on them so can this old goth.SmutMan & Goth girl have gone walking, I have sent an order of chewing gum and more TicTacs.I am actually feeling a lot better today,though the thought of kicking someone in the head is lingering in the background.You know I think I may actually achieve my goal and be a tea totaling non smoking middle aged Goth.I hate the thought of something having a hold on my mind that I cannot control.SO FUCK YOU SMOKES.

DAY 10, Hand me a hammer.

Dear brain,

How can you call yourself intelligent when a stupid smoke can turn you into a fucking moron.Perhaps you would like a lobotomy.Really if you can stay away from other drugs and alcohol then what is your bloody problem.I think a herion addict would have more will power than you dear brain.So here I sit feeling deflated and shithouse.I need my holiday and I NEED TO STOP SMOKING.

Champix & The Goth Day 9.(Also known as get the fuck out of my face)

Dear world,

Two words FUCK OFF. Ok so I am on day 9 of the trip from hell to quit smoking.The first 7 days are alright, the dose is 0.5mg so there is really no side effects.Day 8 rolled around and so help me I feel like I could rip someones head clear off their shoulders.I feel spewy, shitty & my head hurts. Today I have had 4 smokes, not bad considering I would usually have had a few more.I waver between 15 to 20 smokes a day normally.Though on top of this effort of mine to give up the demon tobacco the little goths & Smut Man have all come down with colds & shitty germs.So I have been running around like a mad goth dispensing Panadol and rubbing menthol crap on their backs.We  are supposed to be going away in 12 days, it’s our 8th wedding anniversary in 3 days & here I am in my pyjamie glory picking up snotty tissues.I have started a whole new addiction at night(shock horror) to super doopers, I eat way too many that I am fairly sure I am beating a path to diabetes.So here I sit cranky and exhausted hoping that I can do this quitting thing without going senile in the process.

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