Let me take you on a journey to the world of the optically challenged Goth. The other week I went to the eye specialist,not so special but PRICEY. SmutMan drives me to the clinic, it is a wanky overly decorated visual vomit suite.The photos on the wall tell a tale of my Dr’s passion for sailing and all things nautical.Noice.The wank factor is high the secretaries are primping themselves behind the faux marble counter.God knows why, we are in an eye clinic & most of us can’t fucking see them. That was a hasty assumption because I was to find out that the octogenarians where far more sighted than I.I was feeling somewhat deflated by the time I sat down & the first old coot sauntered by with a book, a fucking book.Score is 1 oldies 0 Goth.I have not read a real book for goth knows how long.I have this fancy talking machine that narrates to me albiet by a slow witted oaf. Then what I can only describe as a corpse sits down & my nostrils pick up the scent of Au de moth ball.She is at least 90 & I think “poor dear” until she picks up the latest smart phone and starts to communicate with it.Score is Oldies 2 Goth 0.I can’t see the new phones let alone use them to text.The oldies go in and out of the rooms.They wave to each other & make plans for bowling or whatever old people do these days.I am called in by a young overly enthusiastic helper monkey(girl).She tortures me with eye drops and puffs of air to my eye balls.I want so much to slap her but refrain.She asks me so many questions, too many in fact, this felt like the Spanish Inquisition.Do you smoke? Yes Do you drink? No.History of cancer?Yes.BLAH BLAH BLAH. What can you see Mrs Goth? NOTHING bitch you have taken what was left of my eyesight with your evil drops.I wait then to see the head honcho, he was a very polite little man WITH GLASSES. I am sorry but when the specialist has glasses you become a tad dubious of his skills. He follows up the interigation with more questions, I am nice and reply.Then he breaks the news “Mrs Goth YOU ARE LEGALLY BLIND & probably have been for a while”.I am 37 so score is Oldies 3 Goth 0.We leave the wanky practice and go for lunch where Smut Man plays the seeing eye husband so very well by notifying all and sundry that theres a blind woman coming through.We eat Laksa I am scared due to my total blindness care of the drops that I am going to wear my food.Thankfully SmutMan makes sure I am putting the food to my mouth and not anywhere that will humiliate myself.The whole concept of being labelled blind is hard to get used to but man when I get that cane lord help those who get in my way,It will be Society 0 Goth Infinity.
June 20, 2011
I may be blind but I can clearly see that you are a fuckwit.