When the walls close in on you(Not light hearted)

I am 37, I am a survivor of sexual and mental abuse.I was raped by my father and his cronies.Not your run of the mill rock spiders either.Cops, Judges, Detectives and people well up the social ladder. It started when I was 9. These arseholes still have a social standing in the community untainted.I am scared and always have been. I have a family a wonderful family.A husband who watches me suffer and destroy my self esteem who feels like his hands are tied.2 beautiful children.Happy content normal kids.Their mummy prays every night that they are safe and that nothing bad ever befalls them. I am alone at night with my thoughts and fears.Some nights I feel I have the courage to just do it, ring the relative authorities and spill my guts, then be prepared to have a target on the back of my head.The rest of the time I hope that they just die and I can read their obituary and breath just breath. I can be reading the paper and one of them is on the front page, being the do gooder.I want to scream to the world, he fucking raped me, he sliced marks on my arms like a score board, he paid my sick fuck of a father $5000.00 to defile me over and over.I live I love but I am fucking scared. The world is made up of so many sick and twisted cunts that everytime I go out I am always watching.

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About A Goth In The Sun

I am an old Goth in an Emo world. Sometimes my blog can be serious sometimes just silly. It is hard to write about abuse at length & that is why they are infrequant. View all posts by A Goth In The Sun

2 responses to “When the walls close in on you(Not light hearted)

  • Robbo

    Wow, that is friggin hard to read, very raw and very real. I can only understand some of what has happened to you, some seem surprised at how widespread this sort of thing is among the powerful, but we know!

    One day when you have the strength to follow through, will be the day you may once again feel truly free from those animals. There are people out there that are strong, who will not hide behind anonymity, willing to help and support you!

    As you know I have a site exposing all that is rotten in our Country, and without fear or favour I will expose any bastard worthy of it. nearly a million people have come to my site. Every now and then assholes in the stories or their cronies contact me with threats, I tell them it to go fuck themselves…

    You should not be having to live your life looking over your shoulder and around every corner, turn it back on the pricks that did this to you!

    Anything I can do contact me!

    Robbo

  • A Goth In The Sun

    Thanks Robbo,
    Raw but sadly fucking real. I am so glad there are people like you in the world who are not afraid of thse pricks. From time to time I find the strength to write but then it iis fleeting.

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